Feeling stressed? Stress is a major factor that can affect overall health. But with a little effort, you and your mate can bust stress and grow closer in the process.
De-stressing as a couple begins with connection. Sure, this sounds silly but it’s natural. According to the Huffington Post, unlike many other mammals, humans are made to bond — our brains are wired for it. We were created to be together.
Give a Little Love
Best of all, bonding can reduce stress. Research supports this concept, showing that simple displays of affection like holding hands or hugging can lower both heart rate and blood pressure.
HuffPo points out that one great way to do this is to be affectionate. And this doesn’t just mean jumping into the sack. Support your mate with a simple smile or a pat on the hand. This reduces cortisol, which is a hormone associated with stress. It can even raise oxytocin levels, which are associated with a general sense of calm.
That said, bonding can be fun when it comes to sex, too. You can play “everything but,” where you fool around without having sex, just like you did when you were younger. Or you can give one and other relaxing back rubs that may lead to a little romp in the hay. You can even experiment with blindfolds. This builds trust and excitement all in one fell swoop.
If you’re not feeling kinky, simply bond by spending time together. If you’re feeling quiet, try outdoor activities like fishing, or go for a hike. No one said that bonding had to involve talking all the time. After all, sometimes we just don’t feel like talking.
Face Stress Together
Take steps to reduce stress in general. “Stress impacts our love relationships more than we are aware of or acknowledge,” according to Judy Ford, a licensed clinical social worker and author of Every Day Love: The Delicate Art of Caring for Each Other. She tells PsychCentral, “Stress has become such a normal part of daily life that partners become immune to the symptoms and warning signs.”
To reduce stress, you have to face it together. Ford says ignoring stress causes it to seep into our lives. It’s like a cold that spreads, or as Ford notes, a game of ping-pong. We pass stress to one and other over and over, which makes relaxation nearly impossible. This increases fighting and decreases the sense of bonding that couples need to feel.
To counter it, Ford says to know what stress looks like. Look for signs of stress in your mate, like crabbiness. Then talk to your partner about it in a calm manner. Open yourself up to communication. Ask your partner what he or she needs, and listen to the response. “We want our partner to understand and when we are listened (to), we feel cared for,” notes Ford.
Comfort your partner before consoling them. Be there in a way that promotes a sense of calm. A good way to do this is to find activities that reduce stress for both of you. This could involve physical activity, outings, reading or even gardening. You might silently watch a favorite show while holding hands. Make a list of things that you both enjoy, and do them together when stress arises. This can decrease the level of stress that you both feel.
Further, try to take this sense of communication into your daily routine by checking in throughout the day. A simple text telling your partner that you’re thinking about them can reduce stress. Or for a fun surprise, put a note or card into your mate’s lunch bag or briefcase. There’s nothing more exciting than receiving a surprise during a long day at work.
Stick with Stress Reduction
Plus, stick to your commitment. Wavering back and forth only adds to stress by making your partner feel insecure. According to Psychology Today, a healthy relationship should be a priority — stress included. Reassure your partner that stress isn’t a reason for you to run. Let them know that you’ll be there through thick and thin. This will help to give your mate a sense of peace and reassurance.
Also, make humor a priority. Humor is one of the best antidotes for stress in both ourselves and with others. Watch funny movies together or tell corny jokes. And try to find the humor in simple things. If you’ve forgotten to make dinner or dinner is just plain awful, don’t beat one another up. Quit with the criticism and find the funny in all things silly. After all, whatever happened is going to be funny at some point, even if it doesn’t seem like it right now.
And finally, make it a point to look out for yourself, too. As Psychology Today notes, “You cannot give what you don’t have.” Spend time with one another, but have your own life at the same time. No one can be your “everything.” While your spouse or significant other may be the most important person in your life, you also have a responsibility to keep yourself whole, healthy and happy — even in the face of stress.
This means eating right, exercising and doing the things that you love. If you adore golf, but your other half doesn’t, golf on your own. You don’t have to do everything as a team. Plus, your friends want to spend time with you separately. We’ve all known couples who are bound at the hip, and that’s anything but fun if you’re looking for a little girl or guy time.
If you do find that you can’t de-stress as a couple, consider couples therapy. More couples go to therapy than you would think. It’s not grueling or awful. You’ll talk together, separately and find ways to relax as a team. And you will grow closer in the process.
At the end of the day, you can and will decrease your stress level. You just have to commit to helping one and other. Be patient and considerate in the process.
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